Introducing myself..

Hi guys :)!!
I thought I would let you all know a little bit about me and my goals and stuff. I'm using this blog because I think it will help keep me on track to lose weight.
Firstly I've always been overweight and I decided to start losing the weight healthily about a year ago. I did this by sticking to 1200-1500 cals a day and exercising for about an hr 4-5 times per week. After a while I had lost about 20kg but I was so exhausted and sick of the scales, calories and food. I hated it all, and whenever the scale didn't go down I would give up and feel like shit. Eventually, I really did give up. The past couple of months I have been bingeing like a fat pig :( and have gained a shitload of weight (about 8kg), which is sooo much for a short period of time. So I need to stop this NOW!

I feel really out of control when it comes to food, I hate it sooo much. It consumes every thought of mine. I need to get down to 53 in 3 months. The reason for this is, I'm going overseas to see my boyfriend, who I have not seen for 6 months. I told him I was still losing weight (stupid I know), but if I don't lost the weight I'm going to be so embarrassed to see him. My flights are already booked so I have no choice but to do this. I already binged this morning for breakfast (FUCK), so I'm not eating for the rest of the day. I'm just gonna distract myself and sleep for as much as possible and drink heaps of water if I start getting hungry.

My mom bought a new treadmill so my plan is to exercise (including running) for 1-2 hours everyday and stick to under 500 calories, avoid animal products and processed shit. If I don't lose this weight before I see him I will probably kill myself to save myself and him the embarassment.
I am going to do this, I just have to get my head straight!
From tomorrow, no more binges, just thinness and skinniness.

xxxxxx

EDIT: So I fucking hate myself right now. I just binged AGAIN. I woke up after a 4 hour sleep and my stomach was rumbling. I was attempting not to go crazy so I started eating a few grapes. Then my mom asked me to make a dessert (it's low fat but still- fuckfuckfuck). She already bought the ingredients so I thought fuck it, this can be my last supper. I ended up making it then eating dinner which she had made (pasta and vegie/meat sauce), I had a low fat cookie, some baking chocolate........ now I'm waiting for the pie to set. I actually feel physically ill but I just can't control myself- I'm fucking scared. I hate being so out of control. I started running on my treadmill and the food was about to come up so I had to stop. Now my stomach hurts more than ever. I really have lost my fitness these past 2 months. After 5 minutes I was dying. I'll make it up tomorrow. Total of 2hrs on the treadmill.
I started being vegan for about a month (but gave it up), and it was a great excuse to not have to eat dinner and basically everything. I got down to 59kg being vegan. Plus I actually felt so much better physically (cow's milk does not agree with me). I'm going to start this again and basically live on a diet of fruit/vegies/soy milk and avoid all processed, white shitty foods. I have no choice but to lose this weight. I'm NOT going to feel ashamed infront of my boyfriend. I WILL be 53 kg by march 1st. I will die if I get even fatter so I have to stop it right fucking now.

Please anyone reading this, I need support. I need to know I can do this arghhhhhhhh!