Sorry I've been a tad missing in action lately- I've been too pissed off at myself to care about anything. Something positive though, my binges are getting smaller and less frequent. I'm hoping I will have them really under control by the middle of the month (exactly 3 months until I see my boyfriend). If I havn't stopped my fucked bingeing by then I'm pretty much fucked. I'm not getting on that plane if I'm not thin, and if I don't then it's basically the end of our relationship. He knows I have problems with eating. He was the one who encouraged me to get some professional help.
I've been reading if it's possible to lose 20kg in 3 months, and it is, if I stick to under 500 cals a day or less and exercise. One girl said she has lost 20kg in 3 months by doing that and it really inspired me. She went from 75 to 55. It gave me hope that it is possible to do. My goal weight is getting less and less. I now want to be 50kg.. I think I would look great. I know I would be happy. I can do it.
I just feel so depressed and dissappointed in myself knowing that I was in the 50's and I had a little way to go, and I blew it. I just hate my face right now. It looks fatter and rounder and just disgusting. I'm getting my double chin back and I just want to die because of it. I know when I get my exercising back on track it will help me with my food a lot. I can only pray that my thinking will become clearer and more focused and I will realize that food will not bring me closer to my boyfriend, only farther away and more depressed. He means so much to me. I'm doing this for him as much as I'm doing it for myself.
I'm thinking of doing the ABC diet. Anyone tried that before? I like thinking that I have an exact amount of cals that I can't go over every day.
I'm seeing my psychologist lady next week and I'm going to ask her specifically how to control my binges when I start thinking of food. She started saying something about imagining my thoughts on an elevator just flying past and not stopping and dwelling on them, but it didn't really work that well.
I'm just feeling so low. Can I get back to a thinner weight? Can I be satisfied in 3 months?
Bf told me his roomate has stopped eating and she looks thinner. She has problems with her eating too and I told him to encourage her to eat, although I find her to be an inspiration (haha). Last I heard she was 54kg.. but now apparently thinner? wtf? I'm so jealous. When he told me her weight, he said that she had actually gained weight and was looking more pudgey and fatter. I don't want her to be thinner than me. 3 months with a thinner girl- it's amazing my Bf isn't tempted to cheat. But he says she's a bit of a slut lol, so that turns him off completely- plus he loves me which helps. BUT I know for a fact he won't love the fat me. Infact he would fucking hate it. He would break up with me I'm sure. And we're planning on getting married in the future...........I can't lose him. Fat dissappear! My mind better be fixed by tomorrow......please god HELP!
4 days ago